A DATING coach claims “men date who is in front of them, not who is best for them”.
Sabrina Zohar, 32, also says the current “if they wanted to, they would” trend all over social media is a myth.
A dating coach says that despite all your efforts, men don’t commit to you when you want them to[/caption]
Rather, they commit when they’re ready[/caption]
Sabrina said single women should “take ownership of their dating choices” and break the mindset that their love lives should be like a ‘romantic comedy.’
She says single women may often find themselves forging a dream-like connection with a non-committal man – they think he’s the one but he doesn’t want anything serious.
The same man may finally want to commit years later to a woman “who is next to them” – a partner who enters his life at the time he is ready to settle.
The “if he wanted to, he would” narrative on social media implies the only reason a man isn’t committing is he doesn’t want to.
But Sabrina says it’s a myth – and sometimes people can’t commit due to mental health battles or not being ready to settle down.
Sabrina’s top tips for dating include not playing games, planning a date within the first few days of conversation and FaceTiming beforehand.
She says, “don’t pursue someone if they’re not reciprocating” and “you can’t change him – if he says he wants short term and unserious don’t expect anything more.”
Sabrina, from San Diego, California, US, said: “This is not a Disney fairy tale – your knight in shining armour isn’t going to rescue you.
Sabrina’s top tips for dating include not playing games[/caption]
“People underestimate how important proximity and timing is.
“Look at George Clooney – you could be waiting 50 years.
“Everyone will meet somebody when it’s their time to and we all have more than one soul mate.
“What’s for you, won’t pass you by.”
Sabrina hopes to empower women to understand there isn’t a definitive in dating and people aren’t always ready to settle down – due to a variety of reasons.
She said: “I hate when people say, ‘if he wanted to, he would’.
“I was dating a man who had a mental breakdown, it broke my heart, but he couldn’t be in a relationship and was depressed.
“I had to be compassionate about where he was – it isn’t black and white.”
Instead of blaming men for their bad luck in dating, Sabrina urges women to look inwards and recognise their destructive patterns.
Many women continually date emotionally unavailable men because they are themselves emotionally unavailable.
She said: “I’ve been in therapy for four years – it’s been an evolution.
“You have to change your mindset and stop pitting an ideal onto someone otherwise you end up in perpetual victim mode.
“Not everyone is trying to hurt you, but you could be the Queen of Sheba and he would leave.
Sabrina hopes to empower women to understand there isn’t a definitive in dating[/caption]
“Not everything is meant to be forever – it doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time.”
Sabrina met a new partner three months ago online and says he is someone she would “never have gone for” in the past.
“I’m severely anxious and I come from a messy family – I met someone on the apps and he wasn’t my type,” she said.
“I have anxious attachment and I thought I needed someone to text me all the time.
“I had to challenge myself to not fall back into old types. We had great chemistry physically and a lot of things in common, even if he didn’t constantly message.
“It’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in, and I don’t know how long we will be together but I’m enjoying the ride.”
According to Sabrina, it’s easy to romanticise a future with someone after a great few encounters but it’s better to stay grounded and take things as they come.
“We can let ourselves get excited. We’re all human.
“But we shouldn’t let ourselves get carried away and recognise you’re more than OK in your life without somebody.”
Sabrina’s tips for dating –
- Don’t play it cool and wait three days to text
- Plan a date within the first few days of good conversation
- Don’t pursue someone if they’re not reciprocating
- You can’t change him – if he says he wants short term and unserious don’t expect anything more
- FaceTime before you meet
- Words without changed behavior is manipulation